The Goody Bag

It's not the caterer, band, florist or photographer that takes up the most time and effort in planning a wedding; it is the preparation of the goody bags for the hotel guests.

Someone had a nice idea a few years ago to prepare a bag of snacks for hotel guests. This "nice idea" has become the standard operating procedure when guests come to town for an event. Those who have prepared goody bags for their out of town guests will agree that it's alot more involved than it appears. And, no matter how many trips you make to Sam's Club, the goody bag always seems "skimpy." The following is the result of at least five shopping excursions:

Marc and I were pretty excited about all these ingredients when we were at Sam's Club - and when you multiply each item by sixty, it adds up to a fair amount of cash. But, when we got it all home and put it into the (small-sized) tote bag, it looked skimpy.

So, the whole episode got me thinking about goody bags, in general.

Who needs this crap??

The ideal and useful wedding hotel guest goody bag should contain:

1. Shoe polish (in response to: "Honey ... I packed your suit, your tie, your underwear...the ONLY thing I asked you to do was SHINE YOUR SHOES!!! Was that too much to ask???")

2. Spanx (obviously!)

3. Contact lens solution and case (the most frequently forgotten travel item)

4. Umbrella (have you seen the 11 day accuweather.com forcast ---ugh)

5. Wedding Card ("Shoot...I forgot to get a card!")

6. Ambien (ya think?)

7. Camera (In response to..."Oh - I should have brought my camera!!")

8. flip flops (obviously!)

9. A dozen Krispy Kremes (now THAT'S a goody)

10. Six pack of Sam Adams Boston Lager or Diet Cokes - to wash down the donuts.

Next time, I guess.

Oh - one more thing. We are having a few guests who are vegetarians...do you think I should remove the Animal Crackers from their bags??

Responses to Your Comments

The posts, phone calls, emails and other communiques from my family and friends and Becky's friends (yay!) have been wonderful...and inspiring. You have encouraged me to continue this pre-daughter's-wedding stream of consciousness. Thank you for your abiding and loving support.

Lynne: I tried looking for the hair when I was in the car. I parked in the sunlight as you suggested and peered into my sun-visor mirror. The hair musta fallen out - it's not there.

Nancy: I think your idea of pasting a rhinestone on my chin ( to detract from the hair )was very good. But your even better idea of all the women wearing a chin rhinestone (chinstone) in support of my plight was really terrific. Grazie.

Mom: Your insistence that I call the rental company and rent a portable pathway, red carpet, or whatever so we all don't sink into the rosebud strewn aisle will not be necessary because FREAKIN' ACCUWEATHER.COM JUST POSTED A FORECAST OF RAIN AND 48 DEGREES FOR SATURDAY NIGHT MAY 17TH!!!

Flyboy: HAPPY SPECIAL BIRTHDAY!!!!

All my friends: It's clear we'll all be wearing Weitzman's. Clearly the young 'uns will be wearing Reefs and Manolo Blahniks.

I also want to address some questions about the title of this blog: Observations of an MOB or Wedding for Godot. No - MOB is not a reference to the "cosa nostra," it stands for : Mother of the Bride. As for Wedding for Godot - as flyboy pointed out, it is a reference to a play by Samuel Beckett called "Waiting for Godot" -- who essentially never arrives. Yes flyboy, I know May 17th will arrive, but it does seem like waiting for Godot.

Earth-Friendly Wedding

We are making every effort to ensure Becky and Stephen's wedding is as kind to the environment as possible.  No fossil fuels used; no animal testing; all flowers were grown in the earth; all paper for invitations, programs, and place cards is recycled -- made from real trees; all musicians are local and carpooling to the reception; all food is local except for the Chilean Sea Bass and they are actually swimming from Chile so they do not have to be transported.

However, there is one area that concerns me greatly:

  Styrofoam peanuts.

Every wedding gift that arrives for Becky and Stephen comes packed in at least three cubic feet of styrofoam peanuts.  

I cannot bear to throw the peanuts into the trash for fear they will end up in some landfill for eternity or floating in the ocean where they could be ingested by our Chilean Sea Bass swimming their way north for the big day.

We are accumulating millions of styrofoam peanuts.  They have filled Becky's room, oozed out into the hallway and are making their way into Julie's room.  Before May 17th they will surely fill the entire second floor of our home.

I'm thinking maybe...

Cancel the rose petals that will line the aisle at the wedding and replace them with styrofoam peanuts...

Put a peanut on the tip of the heel of each lady guest's shoe so it doesn't sink into the grass...

Fill each goody bag for hotel guests with "peanuts" for munching in the room...

Fill the A-1 Limo buses with peanuts and let the out-of-town guests drive themselves to the wedding...

Any other ideas?

It's not easy being green.

More on the Chin Hair

I still can't find the chin hair; I think it must have fallen out.

Allie made the following suggestion:  www.buytweeze.com       Check it out - very cute.

My mommy called me immediately after reading my blog and she was very upset that she allowed me to leave home 38 years ago without properly educating me in the fine art of plucking chin hairs:  "Run the soft part of your fingertips gently across your chin.  You'll find those hairs."  And then she added, "If that doesn't work, go to the flea market and you'll find those little razor-type tweezers for a dollar."

Thanks mommy, thanks Allie ... but I'm not ready to start shaving my face.

Anyway, I'm SURE the hair fell out.

What shoes to choose?

Surely, it was a cruel and misogynistic cobbler who first designed the dress show for women.

What the hell was he thinking?

Everyday I wear my chic and strappy Stuart Weitzman little matte gold sandals (as prescribed by the dress Nazi who sold me my MOB dress) for ten or fifteen minutes to break them in. In fact, they are breaking ME in. The little thin strappies are carving permanent impressions into my poor bunioned feet and rather than becoming accustomed to them I find myself hating them more and more with each passing day. And they were the most comfortable matte gold strappy sandals I could find!

The sun finally came out this afternoon so I thought I would take the strappy gold mattes out for a trial run on my freshly cut grass (thank you Milko.) With one step, the heel completely sunk into the ground and they became flats.

Hmmm. There's more to the prospect of an outside wedding than one might expect. Now I ask: How am I and my machatenista and the three grandmothers going to walk down the aisle on the grass? Not to mention the bridesmaids? Your suggestions would be most appreciated.

Take a good look at these beautiful Weitzmans my dear friends. Because, after the wedding ceremony you're not going to see them. I wonder if Reef Flip Flops come in matte gold???

74 and Sunny

What's the difference between weather and climate?
You can't weather a tree, but you can climate.

So - we planned Becky and Steve's wedding for May 17th because climate-wise it's the perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold, not buggy, not hurricane season, etc. But as we all know, there's a difference between climate and weather. We are hoping for a sunny warm evening so the nuptials can take place outside on the 10th hole at Greenacres.

We have already established on this blog that I am a very busy lady. I spend at least three hours a day looking for that chin hair and I have lots of other stuff to do like think of places to go out to dinner every night with Marc. Therefore I don't have a lot of free time. And yet, I have this OBSESSION with http://www.weather.com/ . Even though they only show the forecast for the next ten days, I keep checking to see if maybe there has been some new technological advance just discovered whereby they post the weather two weeks in advance.

Of course it will be delightful if the weather is 74 and sunny. But if we have to go to Plan B and move the ceremony indoors we could save alot of money on chair rentals and rose petals. In any event, I'm starting a pool. You know like a super bowl pool -- you can enter and bet how many times I will check weather dot com btween May 1st and May 17th. (Hint: Five times already since May 1st.)

One more joke: What happens when the fog lifts in California?
UCLA!!

A Visit to the Dentist

I thought it would be a good idea to go to the dentist and get an extra teeth cleaning. The reality is that when your teeth are old and gray like mine, there's not much difference noted after a cleaning. I can't really do the "bleaching" thing because I have a bridge that is colored permanently grayish-whitish to match my teeth. Nevertheless, yesterday I had a session with my friendly dental hygenist.

As she was wrapping things up, she gently removed my bib and brought my chair to an upright position. She pulled over her little wheelie stool and sat down eye to eye with me. With great solemnity in her voice, she began: "Ruthellen, ordinarily I wouldn't say anything but I know this is a special time for you with your daughter's wedding coming up in two weeks." My heart stopped and I prepared for the worst ... tooth cancer? hoof and mouth disease? the beginnings of a cold sore? really bad breath?

What seemed like an eternity transpired until she said: "Ruthellen, you have a really long hair growing out of your chin."

Oh. Okay.

My facial hair is blonde - almost translucent. So, when I got into the car I tried searching for it in the rear view mirror. Nothing. I drove home with my left hand on nine-o'clock and my right hand stroking my face in search of the renegade hair. Nothing. I spent about an hour yesterday afternoon looking in the (magnifier) mirror for the hair. I spent another hour searching last night - which is why there was no time to floss. And, I spent another hour at it this morning which is why I did not make it downstairs to the treadmill. Nothing.

So - I ask you, my friends. What shall I do? Schedule another appointment with the hygenist and bring my tweezers? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. A picture is attached for your viewing pleasure. Do you see a hair??